The EU is a dying project, we all know that. But there is an escape route. In order to continue issuing bonkers directives about the curvature of bananas, it must be subsumed within a greater power.
I refer, of course, to the nascent Great British Union. Already this Union includes our former Colonies and the Commonwealth. Much of the former Empire is only too happy to join up again. This only leaves our friends and neighbours in Europe, with their petty self-isolation from the reality of British superiority.
All the EU needs to do is to admit that the British are best. It’s that simple. Acknowledge the self-evident truth in plain sight before them. Stop being Woke and Progressive and whining about democracy. Come to Britain and Make Europe Great Again.
But don’t just take my word for it. Listen to the wisdom of that great scholar and European, Jacob Rees-Mogg. “Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae,” says the great man, and who could argue with that?
As you can see, there is a compelling argument that Europe now needs to drop all pretensions to being a Global superpower. Consensus, peace, standards: these are not the building blocks of an Empire. This is why Boris is right to commission a brand-new warship, complete with guns, cannon and Union Jacks. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair! And the world will crumble before the magnificence of Britain, in the form of the wonderful HMS Ozymandias.
This is the solution to all our problems with Europe. It really is that simple. Europe must come to us, feel the warm embrace of England. So I hereby throw down the gauntlet to Ms Von Der Leyen and Mr Barnier. Stop being Woke and come home. We are ready to have you back, just say the word.
