The interfering, Woke left have tried to create another scandal. This time trying to whip up fury over alleged drug taking. They will not succeed. It is necessary, in these unprecedented times of national emergency, to forgive the minor bad habits of our loyal Ministers. Like Spitfire pilots during The War, Our Westminster Boys may take the occasional performance-enhancing drug. This is to ensure that they are able to work night and day without the need for sleep.
It is well known that the purest drugs, taken by the purest people, produce the purest policies. The Government has been given a shot in the arm since Ministers have been powdering their noses. Michael Gove, for one, has not been seen in public for a long time, since he has allegedly been working incredibly hard to level up the cisterns in the House of Commons lavatories. This ensures that Ministers keep to their lines more smoothly.
This puts the ‘Tory’ into ‘lavaTory’.
Ministers are only human, after all. To pull all-nighter after all-nighter requires a constitution of steel and nostrils full of Colombian marching powder. After all, one may always catch up on a bit of kip on the benches afterwards.
At the forefront of this highly secretive operation is a man who needs no introduction. His exploits in The Army, the bedroom (allegedly), and as assistant to DangerMouse, make Mark Francois the ideal man to command the supplies. With his jovial, boyish charm, he has ensured that the House of Commons bars all supply under-the-counter pick-me-ups. “Two pints of Cabernet Sauvignon, a half-bottle of Single Malt and… ahem… something for the clandestine Downing Street party, landlord,” is the nightly cry from every workaholic Minister. All, rightly, subsidised from the public purse. A salute from Sergeant-Major Francois, and away into the night to work on policy.
It may be illegal in a specific and limited way. But it is necessary for the good of the country. And there is nothing the goody-goody Woke haters can do about it.
