We are engaged in the great struggle of our time. Day after day the Woke attempt to seize the levers of power with a base motive that is best summed up as be kind to people you do not know. It’s a baffling twist of fate that a country that once ruled half the world should find itself so besieged at home. The barbarians are at the gates and they would tear down the temples we have made of food banks. We must man the barricades. We must defend our walls. We must ensure that the fantasy view of history so many have been weaned on for so long remains the truth imbibed in mother’s milk.
Happily Great Britain has a Prime Minister that is up to the job of defending what we hold dear. Tax havens. Lawbreaking by the high and mighty. Determination of someone’s life chances based on the accident of their birth. These sacred cows can chew the grass of self-delusion in peace and comfort while Mr Johnson is in 10 Downing Street. The sun may have dropped near to the horizon of the British Empire, but it need never set. Just spread out like a celestial egg yolk going splat.
The best way now in which old Boris can strike another blow against the enemy within the gates is to break more laws. He could write the names of them on little strips of paper and put them in a hat. The hat could be the centrepiece of a cheese and wine party or a BYOB event in the home of the executive.
“Which one now Boris?!” the assembled courtiers can cry. “What law will you break today?”
With a drunken stagger and that famous leery grin the PM can pull another law out and read it to the tipsy crowd.
“The speed limit on the motorway!” the stumbling haystack will exult. “I’m going to drive at 120 miles between junctions 14 and 19 of the M4 and pile up some fines.”
You can just hear them all cheer as they imagine the accidents he’ll leave in his wake and how any number of Tory MPs will drag themselves out to again defend the indefensible. Retention of power is what matters. Not equality before the law. Flagrant displays of that power are how you win the game of life.
The only problem with the strategy will be how to top lying to the Queen to illegally prorogue parliament. But he’s not without hope in that. How quickly the public seem to forget. The great weapon in the armoury of Britannia being the merging of the press and the government. We will tell you what to think.
Bend your backs Britons and get behind Boris. If you don’t some inheritance billionaire may have to pay more tax and none of you will like that. You risk having a well funded health service.
