After the disaster that was and still is Boris Johnson it’s clear that what the country needs now is a leader with more money than sense. Happily inheritance billionaire Rishi Sunak has time for not only professional photo shoots, but to guide Britannia across the sunlit uplands of fiscal responsibility, over the sudden edge and into the chasm of cheese riots.
The Chancellor has taken a strong step forward by writing off billions of fraudulent payments given out under the furlough scheme. It is only fair and just that an ordinary person unable to pay a parking fine should suffer a living purgatory, but a businessman who may vote Conservative should not be troubled by consequence for unlawfully dipping into the public purse under the cover of a pandemic.
Low Traffic Neighbourhoods and their accompanying fines, massive hikes in street parking charges, forcing NHS staff to pay for parking AT THEIR PLACE OF WORK and other measures will go some way to recover lost money from people who didn’t steal it, but more must be done.
What greater next stride than to hike National Insurance? Those PPE agreements with jewellers in Florida won’t pay for themselves. And it’s not just the financial fallout from the pandemic, Brexit is a costly enterprise. It is essentially a bonfire of public money, but without more money the fire will fail. Shovel in that cash Sunak! Take it from my pocket and throw it on the blaze! Anyone feeling the strain can just eat less and heat less.
Royal yachts also do not come cheaply. If the public wishes to enjoy the pomp and circumstance of an Empire on which the sun never sets then they must foot the bill. We lucky people must be grateful that cometh the hour cometh the little Napoleon of austerity.
Now is the time for Mr Sunak to give that great Tory speech insisting that hardworking taxpayers must “tighten their belts”. The government has strangled the puppy of public cash and the public must buy itself another.
Mr Sunak will be unable to personally tighten his belt because he lives in a world of endless money. Indeed he would need to employ a team of people to assist in tightening a belt so long it could wrap around the country. This is all well and good. It would be of little use to have a person in charge who understood what £20 means to a poor person. They’d tie themselves in knots considering if it were not time to do something about tax havens.
Take heed of his example. Do your bit Great Britons and clap on your doorsteps. In this way you can generate enough heat to warm the interiors of your homes while considering where to hang the next Prime Minister’s next swimsuit calendar.
