The ‘woke’ will not like it, which is reason enough for any action, be it starting a land war in Asia or choosing new curtains. The Prime Minister, and the woman he’s currently engaged to, choosing new curtains would be an excellent next step in the culture war. Open a new front and see what appetite the straggly, dirty, lentil eating bunny huggers have for a real fight.
But where to begin this next push forward into the No Man’s Land of historical revisionism? We suggest Chequers, the 16th century manor house that began life as a humble brothel and after a series of refurbishments was enlarged into a harem. This is the Prime Minister’s natural abode.
Clearly a refurbishment of this scale is well beyond the meagre budget of a simple public servant. The Prime Minister and his current companion will have to seek financial assistance. Here they can simply phone any friend who may need a favour. Quid pro quo Clarice.
We would suggest they call Lex Greensill. If he is not able to supply the loan then any relative of Matt Hancock will have sufficient spare money in the bank. The loan must be interest free though, as this is in the service of the great British public.
It will be an opportunity to put the wind up Ms Sturgeon also. The PM can hire Scottish carpenters, Welsh tilers, Cornish shoplifters (to install the gift shop) and Northern Ireland electricians. See how the woke like that!
Once the refurbishment is complete the Prime Minister, and whoever he is shagging by then, should welcome in a magazine like ‘Hello’. Do a great reveal spread. The public will easily forget the pile of pandemic bodies once their minds are dazzled by wallpaper so esoteric you need a month alone in a mountain cave just to understand it.
If the PM won’t put the public interest first then who will? Refurbish Chequers and let the nation move forward, neatly skirting around the pile of dead with their eyes averted.
