The Woke are (of course!) manufacturing outrage over Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s failure to attend five COBRA meetings early in the pandemic. They are doing this in full awareness that the pandemic was still at the boring stage. The PM must not be distracted by the barking of the rabble. He has a wedding to plan.
“I do not attend to matters of state until after breaking fast. If you want me to stare at the Four Horsemen first bring me my champagne and sardines” – Emperor Michelmas Fortunas, Rome, 250BC
The answer as to how to get the Prime Minister to attend every single dull gathering of the emergency committee is to not meet until the emergency is in full swing. It is not reasonable to expect Mr Johnson to have gone to the first five COBRA meetings. He was rightfully celebrating getting Brexit done. And keep in mind that donors rarely volunteer to pay for £850 a roll gold wallpaper. That takes some doing. That takes incentive. That takes calling around to see who is in the market. A few isolated cases of a viral plague must not get in the way of such important work. This strikes to the heart of governance. Would you have Rupert Murdoch entertained in the John Lewis hovel which Theresa May left in her grey wake?
“A bird in the hand is better than a tarantula on the todger” – Archimedes, Musings on Things, Athens 578BC
The answer to how to get the Prime Minister to attend is to be found in everyone holding their nerve, while all around are losing theirs. In future COBRA should not meet until the asteroid has struck. It signal flares should not go up until the Russian sub surfaces alongside Westminster Palace. Do not like that great fire on the hill before the zombie plague has entered Harrods. If you are patience you will have the attention of the monarch.
And for pity’s sake make sure there is champagne. Pol Rodger will see Mr Johnson appear. Then, and only then can he be expected to stay awake as some girly swot drones on about a lack of ventilators in the autumn.
