Boris Johnson would clearly have been the man to guide us through the looming economic crisis, mostly because he’s responsible for causing it. Together with his partner in crime Lord Frost. This has been a masterclass of sensible Conservative governance. Every so often the fatted lamb must be slaughtered and the carcass stripped of its contents. The contents sent electronically to various safe places offshore, and the wealth accumulated used to purchase public assets. Once this virtuous curve reaches its zenith a Labour administration is installed to revive the dead ruminant and the magic spell can be cast again. One needs simply to wait for a suitable global shock and utilise the power of the press to blame the last Labour government. Retake power. Send the lamb to the abbatoir.
All this is obvious.
Unfortunately Mr Johnson has played his part of useful idiot too well. He was such an idiot he became useless. Still, if you can keep your head while all around you are losing theirs you can impersonate Margaret Thatcher and step forward. Enter stage far right Ms Truss. She will be whatever you need her to be. Huzzah for personal advancement!
For this reason we need not fear what is coming. We have the next useful idiot in line and she is ready to redecorate 10 Downing Street and shine. Predominately on Instagram, but just imagine the lifestyle magazine special features as the poor and downtrodden rub their hands together over a warm energy bill this winter? The country is certain to be distracted! The bones can be cracked and the marrow extracted.
But if by some freak of chance it is not Ms Truss, but Mr Sunak, then we can keep our confidence. Any man born into massive wealth and pre-programmed advancement who tells you we have to “balance our books” is handcrafted for government.
Could Mr Sunak tell you how much money he has? I doubt it. It’s just the way we want it. If a new PM arrived who understood why a country is not like a household, and its budget, we’d be doomed to lower fossil fuel company dividends before the lazy transition is made to renewables (by the same companies).
In Mr Sunak we also have a primed useful idiot to step into Mr Johnson’s long toed and colourful shoes. The only potential concern is he keeps on about being a tea drinker who has never done drugs. If he also has never indulged in adultery, it maybe a step too far for the Conservative Party membership. He’s most definitely not like us! They’ll cry. Oh woe. Oh wait. There’s Truss.
So be of good cheer as you reinforce your security measures at home this winter. The poor will appear in a huddled mass to sing carols and you can shout at them “Sovereignty!” as you wonder why, if they’re apparently so poor, why they don’t work harder? After all, if they’ve time to linger on the streets causing their betters discomfort, they’ve time to work for Bezos.
